What a splendid week we’ve had – the weather has been gloriously warm and sunny, Spring is in full blossom and on Tuesday evening we had a great adventure – we went to see Bob Dylan in concert at the National Indoor Arena in Birmingham – not to mention the exquisite dinner Ms Playchute prepared for a fistful of good friends on Friday evening. Not sure I can handle the pace.
The Dylan concert in Birmingham was our Christmas present from Nick and Lucy and the whole evening was outstanding. We drove up to Birmingham in the early evening and met up with our Nick at his office prior to an excellent early evening meal in an excellent Italian restaurant just near the arena. After the meal we walked over to the arena, found our seats and had barely settled when Mr Dylan (and his band) began to play. After what seemed to be about twenty minutes but which was, in fact, two hours of non-stop music, they finished and we made our way home. It was an excellent concert with new and occasionally almost unrecognisable arrangements of some of his more famous songs – good fun and our thanks to Nick and Lucy for such an excellent evening’s entertainment. We are reciprocating the favour with a Jools Holland concert in Warwick in the middle of May.
The Great Restaurant Ramble Reprise – 2007 continued following our most enjoyable stay with Leigh and Seward Slagle on the Wednesday. The day’s itinerary had us making our way up to Hartford, Connecticut and a rendezvous with Rob at the Wadsworth Atheneum Museum of Art and so we set off at a reasonably respectable hour and, having gone ten metres from the Slagle’s drive we were confronted with our first directional dilemma of the tour – Dad’s instructions (from Google) had us turning left; Leigh’s instructions relayed to me in considerable detail, had us turning right. A rapid retrace of our steps and further consultation with Leigh clarified the situation – Dad had us travelling up the Merritt Parkway and Leigh was sending us to the interstate. Once this confusion was rectified, Leigh was happy to confirm Dad’s instructions and we set off on our way (again). Fortunately, since it had been such a long time since the previous evening’s dining experience, we found a convenient Dunkin’ Doughnuts not too far up the road where we were able to replenish our sugar levels and thus narrowly avoided the early stages of starvation.
We got to the Museum at roughly the appointed hour and found Rob waiting for us in the lobby. A lunch in the museum café was followed by a guided tour of the highlights of the museum with a most “enlightening” docent. While one has to say that she was a sweet old dear, she would have been somewhat out of her depth in a parking lot puddle. The tour started with about eight people; by the end of the first room three had sneaked off leaving just Mom and Dad, Pen and me and a young French horn player with the Hartford Symphony Orchestra (Rob had gone to a class after lunch and wasn’t able to join us for this particular highlight). What made the tour so enlightening was our guide’s almost universal lack of knowledge. She would pause in front of a particular painting and comment that it was a particularly famous one but that she couldn’t remember who had done it or why it was famous. So, she would read the label on the wall and then tell us. It wasn’t until about the third room that she looked at her group and remarked, “Hmm. We seem to have lost a few. Oh well.” as if this was a somewhat common occurrence.
At one point along the way we passed by the entrance to the Picasso to Pop exhibition and, as I glanced in I saw a life-sized cut-out of an elderly lady with glasses and grey hair and I commented, “Oh, Mom’s in this exhibition.” I had not noticed the somewhat garish Pop Art painting of a reclining blonde nude with bright, cherry-red nipples in the corner. As Mom came around the corner and glanced into the exhibit, her response to my comment was simply, “Oh, yes. Which one?” which caused some hilarity amongst everyone apart from our tour guide.
As we reached the next (and final) room of our tour we had all more or less lost the will to live – Mom and the French horn player were engaged in a detailed conversation while Dad, Penny and I had wandered off on our own to look at some of the paintings (and to read the labels for ourselves). Our guide was heard to say, “Oh. They’re talking now!”
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Following our escape from the museum we made our way to the hotel Dad had arranged for this leg of the journey which, one has to say, was in a somewhat less than salubrious part of town and which caused some consternation amongst some of our party. Still, it was clean and the late-night activities of the other clientele did not cause too much disturbance. Unfortunately, the restaurant which Dad had researched on the internet turned out to have recently fallen into the hands of new owners and was undergoing redecoration – no meals being served tonight! I am sure you can imagine our dismay and distress. After all, we had only eaten enough to meet the needs of a small army that day. However, after some further consultation and investigation, Dad came up with the Seasons Restaurant at Avon Old Farms just outside of West Hartford (http://www.avonoldfarmshotel.com/rest.htm) which was outstanding. Rob joined us and we enjoyed a great meal whilst a piano player provided a melodious background. And so back to our hotel in our somewhat dodgy neighbourhood for a well deserved slumber prior to making the great trek up to the Lake the next day for some further adventures.
Love to you all,
Greg
The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.
"Don't bother," replies Mr. Avery, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine."
Two Redneck hunters from Mississippi got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only four moose.
The two good old boys object strongly. "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Unfortunately, even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.
Climbing out of the wreck Bubba asked Earl, "Any idea where we are?"
"Yaaah, I think we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
These all came from Dad; some of them we’ve seen before but they are still as true (and funny) as they were the first time around.
Lawyer Questions:
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WIT NESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATT ORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: What do you mean?
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: About medium height, with a thick beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WIT NESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
The admiral's daughter finally persuaded her father to allow her to marry the able seaman. The admiral was still worried about his decision some months later so he warned his daughter, "Now, some of these sailors have strange desires. Whatever you do, don't give in to any requests he might make to have sex ...well... 'the other way'."
"Really, father!" replied his daughter. "Our sex life is our business and for your information we are very happy."
But her father's remarks had got her wondering, so later that night she said to her husband, "Do you ever feel like having sex 'the other way,' sweetie?"
"What?!," yelled her husband. "No way! Next thing you know the house would be full of bloody kids!"
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