Last week's Befouled News was a bumper edition; this week I am afraid we are back to the usual fare – not much! Apart, that is, from more rain (of course).
I received a few “complaints” and enquiries concerning the failure to provide the final pieces of the Huletts Sanford and Father Unlimited Reunion jigsaw, for which I apologise. It's just as well that it didn't make it into last week's edition as there were some late-changing arrangements as well as a confirmation of what had previously been somewhat sketchy and provisional plans.
The full details (as far as we have them and with no assurances of accuracy) are as follows:
Date |
Arrivals |
Departures |
| Sat 4 August | Mom & Dad Greg & Penny Susie Sandy & Pam Steph, Hope, Amanda & Greg |
|
| Wed 8 August | Sallie & Rod Lisa & Amelie |
|
| Thurs 9 August | Nick | |
| Fri 10 August | Sarah & Randy Ben & Donna Karl |
|
| Sunday 12 August | Lisa & Amelie Karl |
|
| Monday 13 August | Ben & Donna | |
| Tuesday 14 August | Nick | |
| Wednesday 15 August | Susie Sarah & Randy |
|
| Thursday 16 August | Pete Taylor | |
| Friday 17 August | Sallie & Rod Greg & Penny Pete Taylor |
|
| Saturday 18 August | Anyone who is left |
The “big” news this week is the disappointment that Pete Taylor was not interviewed on British television at the All Star Game. In spite of assurances given on air (for which we have video evidence), and Pete having checked his e-mail frequently and having his cell phone switched on all the time, the producers failed to follow through on their “promise” and those of us in this country who watched the game are naturally devastated in our disappointment. So disappointed that we have launched an e-mail campaign to express our disillusionment, to which you can lend your voices even though you never will have seen it anyway (apart from the fact that I would have recorded it and put it up on the web). Still, if dozens of people mail in, they might just catch up with him somewhere else on his trip. So, send an e-mail to baseball@five.tv to complain at being deprived of seeing a complete nutter on the television (but don't tell them where you're from or they will instantly recognise that we are encouraging everyone to stuff the ballot box, as it were).
I ran across the following two stories in my perusal of the ‘net this week which caused some amusement (and let me assure you, I stick to the mainline sites such as the Guardian and the BBC, not the more flagrantly bizarre content which is available).
Runaway demolition ball injures three in US
The ball, about 90cm (3ft) across, was being used to demolish part of a library in Meadville, Pennsylvania, when the cable snapped yesterday, police said. It rolled nearly three-quarters of a mile downhill, damaging more than a dozen vehicles as it bounced from curb to curb, before coming to rest in the boot of a car stopped at a junction. The ball slammed into the rear of the vehicle while it was stopped at traffic lights, causing a collision with two other cars at the junction. "I got out of my car and couldn't believe it when I walked back and saw this giant wrecking ball sitting in the trunk of the last car," said the Meadville police officer Brian Joseph. |
Three people were injured when a 680kg (1,500lb) demolition ball broke loose from a crane and raced through a US town.Now how amazing is it that the ball ended up in the trunk of a car? Did this particular car have its trunk open for some reason whilst waiting at the traffic light or did the ball magically open the trunk and pop in?
And finally, from Sonkajärvi, Finland, the 12th Annual Wife Carrying Competition:
Estonia dominates wife-carrying contest Estonians took gold and silver at the world wife-carrying championships in Finland, defying rain and exhaustion to stumble along a path with women clinging upside-down to their backs. They were among 44 couples from 12 countries competing in the annual event in Sonkajarvi, central Finland. The idea of the Wife Carrying Competition is Sonkajärvi's very own and, in spite of its humorous aspects, it has deep roots in the local history. In the late 1800's there was in the area a brigand called Rosvo-Ronkainen, who is said to have accepted in his troops only those men who proved their worth on a challenging track. In those days, it was also a common practice to steal women from the neighbouring villages. In the modern version, couples race along a 250-metre track, tackling a pool and several hurdles, with the men carrying the women on their backs.
Madis Uusorg is the brother of last year's winner, Margo Uusorg, who holds the world record for the event of 56.9 seconds. "I'm feeling really great because we won," Madis said afterwards. "It was my fifth time here, second time to win this competition. And it was the first time to beat my brother!" Margo won his fifth world championship in 2006 and said at the time it might be his last. He could not resist turning up again this year, carrying a rather heavily built Julia Galvin from Ireland, but the pair could only manage 29th place. "I kept my promise, having won last year, of carrying Julia this year," he said. John Keerie, a Briton living in Helsinki, ran the race dressed as a convict. He carried his wife Aino Telaranta-Keerie into 19th place. "I drowned in that pool, but at least my wig is still in place. Now for beer," he said. The winning couple received plasma televisions. In addition to the plasma televisions, the world champions receive the equivalent of the wife's weight in beer, a bag full of wife carrying products and a statue with a wife carrying motif. The second and the third couple as well as the most entertaining couple, the best costume and the strongest carrier will be awarded with wife carrying products and statues. "My goal was to have fun. But not only did we have fun, but so did our kids and the people here had fun," said American James Lafferty from Ohio, who carried his wife Susan into 33rd place. |
Estonian Madis Uusorg finished first, in a time of 61.7 seconds, despite having Inga Klauson on his back upside-down with her legs around his neck.I can understand the plasma screen televisions, beer and statues, but what I want to know is what are “wife carrying products” which all the winners received?
Love to you all,
Greg
A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man?
Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work, the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."
"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?"
With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here."
The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?"
"Naw! I've lived here all ma'life," answered the farmer.
"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.
This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When is it gonna be?"
Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."
Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."
A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else, whereas the other guys would only catch three or four a day. Sam would come in off the lake with a boat full. Stringer after stringer was always packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.
Sam's approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up. Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam. "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!"
Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words, "Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?"
These are from Dad. I've run across most of them before in various guises so one must assume that they are largely apocryphal which doesn't make them any less amusing:
IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us one of our problems was we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman, KS
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep... From Kansas City!
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker: She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "Its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
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