Well, the snow did not arrive on Tuesday as the weather forecasters had predicted, ergo my prediction that they would be wrong turned out to be right. So, does that make me a better weather forecaster than the professionals or does it simply mean that if I bet against their assertions whenever they forecast something cataclysmic I’ve got a pretty good chance of being accurate?

It did snow a bit in the north (Scotland, Northern Ireland) but we’ve had some fairly decent weather in spite of the predictions. Still, even the snow and relatively cool weather in the north can’t compare with the photos we had forwarded to us of an ice storm in Versoix, Switzerland which apparently took place in January 2005. (Why does it take three years before these photos come to our attention? I thought the internet was an instantaneous form of communication!) Versoix is on the edge of Lake Léman just north of Geneva and apparently a combination of very cold temperatures (minus 10 degrees Celsius or about 14 degrees Fahrenheit) and very strong winds (in the region of 70 mph) caused waves to splash on the shore and the spray froze more or less as soon as it landed. There are some incredible photographs here and a couple reproduced below just for your amusement. I really must encourage Ms Playchute to stop complaining how cold it is!

I was absolutely delighted to read of Jeremy Clarkson’s trials and tribulations regarding internet fraud this week. I suspect this story may have passed you by in the States so a bit of background.

Clarkson is a “television personality” who hosts a programme on the BBC entitled Top Gear which, essentially, is a programme about cars and the sorts of idiotic escapades one can indulge in amongst the motoring fraternity. You either love him or loathe him and I must confess to being firmly on the loathing side of the equation so, as they say, it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy!

He is, if you will pardon the vulgarity, a twat (and if anyone is offended by the use of such a colloquialism just substitute an “i” for the “a” and just imagine that I have made a mistake in my typing). He is rude, opinionated, arrogant, conceited, self-important, egotistical and condescending. The fact that he loudly and regularly proclaims that global warming is but a figment of our imaginations and that there is no reason on God’s earth why we all shouldn’t be driving gas-guzzling 4x4s at several hundred miles per hour along narrow country lanes is neither here nor there. If he had his way he would have the whole of the British Isles covered in tarmac so that he could drive large and expensive cars wherever and as rapidly as he likes and anyone who gets in his way deserves to be bulldozed. Well, it seems that his arrogance has caught up with him much to most people’s delight and, it has to be said, his utter chagrin.

A few months ago, the Department of Customs and Excise admitted that they had “lost” two computer CDs with the names, addresses and other personal details for all those in the UK who were in receipt of child benefit, i.e. about 25 million individuals or nearly half of the population. It seems that the Audit Commission wanted the details and instead of sending them securely electronically, some clerk decided to copy them on to a couple of CDs and pop them in the post. When they failed to turn up there were a few embarrassed appearances by government ministers assuring the public that there was a very small risk that they had fallen into the wrong sort of hands and that the prospect of identity fraud was minimal. Naturally, the newspapers and the opposition had a field day and there was great embarrassment and apologies all round. (The CDs have still not turned up, by the way but, since we no longer have children living at home our details weren’t on the disks. Having said that, Jeremy Clarkson does have children of school age and therefore his details were on the disks).

So, after all the media hoopla, Clarkson wrote a column in the Times essentially chastising everyone who got worked up about the mishap and saying that the whole identify fraud issue was a “storm in a teacup”. And, with that as background you can imagine just about everyone’s delight when the following news broke. This particular extract is from the Telegraph but it was in every paper and on all the television news.

Jeremy Clarkson eats his words over ID theft Motoring television presenter Jeremy Clarkson has been forced to eat some uncharacteristic humble pie after playing down the severity of Labour's lost data scandal.             The Top Gear host was so sure that the furore over the lost CDs of data was nothing but "a storm in a teacup" he printed his own bank details in a newspaper, convinced his money would be safe. He also included instructions on how to find his address on the electoral roll and gave details about the car he drives, claiming he had "nothing to fear" from identity fraud. But the exercise left the newspaper columnist with egg on his face when he had to admit that he had been the target of an internet scam. An unidentified reader copied his details and set up a £500 direct debit from his account payable to the British Diabetic Association. The charity is one of many organisations which does not need a signature to set up a direct debit. Clarkson, 47, wrote in the Sunday Times: "Back in November, the Government lost two computer discs containing half the population's bank details. "Everyone worked themselves into a right old lather about the mistake but I argued we should all calm down because the details in question are to be found on every cheque we hand out every day to every Tom, Dick and cash and carry. "To hammer the point home I even printed my own bank account number and sort code. "And guess what? I opened my bank statement this morning to find out that someone has set up a direct debit which automatically takes £500 from my account. "The bank cannot find out who did this because of the Data Protection Act and they cannot stop it from happening again. "I was wrong and I have been punished for my mistake." The discs, which contained the personal details of 25 million Britons, were lost by HM Revenue and Customs and have still not been found. At the time, Clarkson wrote: "I have never known such a palaver about nothing. The fact is we happily hand over cheques to all sorts of unsavoury people all day long without a moment's thought. We have nothing to fear." But yesterday, the newly-chastened pundit had changed his tune. "Contrary to what I said at the time, we must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy," he said.

As I say, it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy!

Love to you all,

Greg

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A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.  

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.  

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

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Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.  

The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."  

The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."  

The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"  

The second man replied, "I turned out the light."

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From Dad

Murphy's Lesser-Known Laws

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
3. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

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DOG HAIKU  

I love my master;  
Thus I perfume myself with  
This long-rotten squirrel.  

Today I sniffed  
Many dog butts--I celebrate  
By kissing your face.  

I lift my leg and  
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot-  
Sniff this and weep.  

My human is home!  
I am so ecstatic I have  
Made a puddle.  

The cat is not all  
Bad--she fills the litter box  
With Tootsie Rolls.  

My owners' mood is  
Romantic--I lie near their  
Feet. I fart a big one. 

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