The Befouled Weakly News

1 June 2008


Good morning to you all. This week’s weather: rain, rain, rain, drizzle, scattered drizzle, scattered drizzle and cloudy/overcast probably going to start drizzling or raining soon. Great weather for slugs, snails and worms but not much else, I suspect. Having said that, the birds presumably are thriving which must be why the *&&^*)&£^”*$*£$ birdsong this year seems louder than ever before (and, of course, at this time of year it starts at about 4.00 am!) Apart from that, we’ve had a moderately good week. The neck continues to improve and I have somewhat more mobility and somewhat less pain and discomfort.

We had a lovely evening on Wednesday in celebration of Penelope’s 18th birthday; we went out for dinner at the Butcher’s Arms in Priors Hardwick about which I wrote a few weeks ago (we went there for my “last supper” before my operation). It has a very extensive and excellent menu and I was delighted to be able to enjoy it again so soon after our previous visit.

Ms Playchute, of course, had insisted that we should go somewhere “cheap” for dinner and the Butcher’s Arms is certainly not at the cheap end of the scale. So, driving to the restaurant I took a somewhat circuitous route and told her that I had booked a table at the motorway services area. In spite of her relatively poor sense of geography, she did recognise where we were headed before we arrived and I was subjected to some muted chastisement although I could tell that deep down she was quite excited.

Both Ben and Adam had telephoned during the day to extend their good wishes but, surprisingly, Nick did not and, as we were leaving for the restaurant, this caused some disquiet. Should she give him a ring because otherwise he would feel very embarrassed about missing her birthday? I had to rapidly develop a counter-proposal and suggested that he might be doubly embarrassed at having his mother telephone him to announce that he had missed her birthday. All this because I knew the reason he had not telephoned – he and Lucy were meeting us at the restaurant!

Eventually, I managed to persuade her not to telephone and thus the surprise was intact when we arrived.

After the delight of celebrating Penelope’s birthday we had the contrasting misfortune of our Molly’s discomfort and emergency operation on Thursday. She had recently had a season and since then had not been her normal happy, bouncy and hungry self. So, a few weeks ago Pen had taken her to the vet who could find nothing wrong other than an increased white blood cell count; he put her on a course of antibiotics and asked us to get back to him if she did not improve. Well, in a nutshell she did not improve and was completely off her food and very morose and depressed. So, on Thursday Pen took her back and this time a scan and x-rays revealed a case of pyometra which is, in fact, precisely what Pen had suggested it might be when she took her in the first time. This necessitated an emergency spay which they carried out later that morning and we were able to bring her home on Friday.

Now, I must confess I did not know anything about pyometra before this episode so, in case there are any others in a similar position: Pyometra is a disease of the uterus most commonly seen in female dogs, but also seen in queens (female cats), rabbits, ferrets, rats and guinea pigs. Pyometra is an important disease to be aware of for any dog owner because of the sudden nature of the disease and the deadly consequences if left untreated. It has been compared to acute appendicitis in humans, because both are essentially empyemas within an abdominal organ.

One of the things that astounds me is how rapidly dogs (and presumably other animals?) are able to recover from dramatic and major surgery. I noticed this previously when Rosie and Pippa were spayed and Molly’s bouncy and energetic recovery following her surgery only confirms my observations. Here I am, four plus weeks after my surgery and still stiff and sore; here she is two days after a major internal operation and she is wagging her tail, bouncing around and keen as mustard. What’s that all about?

Lady Playchute and I have had the pleasure over the past couple of weeks of enjoying another fabulous BBC nature documentary, this time on the flora and fauna of some of the more remote parts of China. It's called Wild China and if you run across it in the television listings, have a look.

There was one scene in the second episode, however, which we had to share with you, bringing back, as it did, such wonderful memories. Watch it through to the end and you can see our errors: (a) no feather and (b) the delicacy we missed by not being able to follow through on our attempt.

(This is quite a high resolution clip so if anyone has any problems accessing it, let me know and I will let you have a lower resolution version).

Love to you all,

Greg


There were two good ol' boys from the South, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off.

In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks."

Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got."

The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"

"Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet."


I went into a gasoline station today and  asked for five dollars worth of gas.   
The attendant farted and gave me a receipt.


Billy-Bob and Bubba were sitting in back of their trailers shooting the breeze.

Billy-Bob asked Bubba, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while you wuz out fishin an' made love to your wife, an' she got pregnant, would dat make us kin?"

Bubba scratched his head for a bit then said, "I don't think so.... but it sho would make us even."


Two adventurous, young couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial.
After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years! I wonder how the girls are doing?"


Three women are at a cocktail party. The first woman says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanour.

The second woman says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.

The third woman says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. But thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on my husband's erect penis."

The first woman looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. We're not really going to the French Riviera. We're going to my parent's house for two weeks."

The second woman says, "Your honesty has shamed me. To be honest, my husband didn't buy me a Mercedes. He bought me a Ford."

"Well," the third woman says, "I also have a confession to make. Canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg.


Back to the Befouled Weakly News

Back to Greg's Temporary Home Page