The Befouled Weakly News
29 June 2008 Good morning on a delightfully delightful morning after a week of fairly decent weather, particularly surprising considering it’s Wimbledon fortnight, the middle weekend of which (i.e., this weekend) coincides with the Glastonbury Festival, possibly the two most rain-soaked events in the UK calendar. The big news this week: the reluctance and distinct lack of enthusiasm with which I dragged my sorry backside back to work following my extended recuperation and the relegation of our water supply to the status of a developing nation. And so, after seven weeks off work following my neck surgery, I finally summoned up the energy and motivation to make my way grudgingly into work. Had I been taken by someone I certainly would have been described as “kicking and screaming” but the kicking and screaming were purely virtual in this case. Everyone gave a passable impression of being glad to see me back, made appropriately sympathetic noises about my ordeal and then proceeded to give a fairly decent impression of having coped perfectly well without me. Of course, having worked on Monday it was essential that I had some time to recuperate again so Tuesday and Wednesday found me “working at home.” Fortunately, my line manager is happy with my taking it easy these first few weeks back and I do have to confess that I was surprised at how much it took out of me. Still, part-time working for the next few weeks and then it will be time for a well-deserved summer break. The other “big” news, as I said, concerns the currently contaminated state of our water supply provided by Anglian Water. On Wednesday morning Sally telephoned from next door to relay the information that she had heard the announcement that Anglia had discovered cryptosporidium in the water supply and that we were being instructed to boil all water used for drinking, brushing teeth and in food preparation until further notice. Naturally, I had already brushed my teeth using the “dodgy” water and spent most of Friday with what was undoubtedly a psychosomatically-induced dodgy tummy. Even more disconcerting, Pen rang her folks to ensure they had picked up the news to be told that her mum, Beryl, had just finished taking a tablet which she is obliged to ingest once a week which requires her to drink two pints of water – straight from the tap. Fortunately, no symptoms yet but we’re still within the incubation period of about a week. So, what to look forward to? Symptoms may start with the loss of appetite, nausea and abdominal pain. This is usually followed by "profuse, foul smelling, watery diarrhoea, vomiting (especially in children), and there may be mild fever and noticeable weight loss. In otherwise healthy people the symptoms usually persist for 1 to 3 weeks but some symptoms can recur for longer periods (usually not more than a month)". The latest news from the Anglian Water website is that they have identified the source of the contamination and should have everything back to normal in three weeks! Naturally, we’ll keep you informed of any developments with a particular focus on the “profuse, foul smelling, watery diarrhoea.” Since we are discussing intestinal and related issues, the following from Dad seems timely. It seems that it found its way into his mailbox from Wes Anderson who my siblings, at least, will remember had the pharmacy across Duarte Road from Dad’s office and who now lives in Hawaii, I gather. I remember them visiting England some years ago on a cycling holiday and Pen and I had the pleasure of visiting with them at Stow on the Wold. It seems that Wes sent Dad the following description of a friend’s medical procedure:
And finally, the Glastonbury festival opened on Friday, in honour of which the Guardian published the following article on the five best, weird festivals. You will remember that Ms Playchute and pals attended Glastonbury some years ago and you can remind yourselves of their experience by having a glance here.
Love to you all, Greg The local Mafia boss hired a deaf accountant, thinking the accountant wouldn't be able to overhear their more "delicate" discussions. One day, the boss realized that a sum of $10 million was missing and went to confront the accountant. Since the boss didn't know sign language, he took his attorney with him who did know sign language. The boss told the attorney to ask the accountant where he put the $10 million. The attorney and accountant conversed in sign language and the attorney translated for the boss, telling him that the accountant didn't know what the boss was talking about. The boss took out a gun and aimed it at the accountant. He instructed the attorney to ask the accountant again. The conversation occurred in sign language between the attorney and the accountant. This time the accountant told the attorney that the money was under his cousin Lorenzo's patio. The boss asked the attorney what the accountant had said and the attorney reported, "He said you don't have the guts to pull that trigger." A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves. "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again." And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms.” The old farmer's mule had finally died of old age just before spring planting, so the farmer made a trip to town to buy another mule. His $125 didn't buy much, but he was satisfied with his purchase and he made arrangements to return the next day with a horse trailer to pick up the mule and the dealer agreed to keep it overnight for him. Early the next day, the old man returned. "Jim," said the mule dealer, "that old mule died last night. I'm real sorry to have to tell you this. I know you were counting on it for your spring garden." The dealer offered Jim his money back, but Jim said a bargain was a bargain, loaded the mule on his truck and left. A couple of months later the mule dealer happened to drive by Jim's place and was astonished to see Jim working his garden on a *NEW* $4,000 garden tractor. Honking his horn, he called Jim over and asked him how in the world he had managed to buy a tractor when not to long ago all he had was the $125 that he'd spent on the mule that died. "Well", Jim explains, "After leaving with the mule, I had this idea. So I stopped off at the local print shop and had 2,000 $2 raffle tickets printed up. Grand prize: Gardening Equipment. I sold all the raffle tickets to people around town." "Yeah, but where did you get the gardening equipment?" "From you." "No, I mean the equipment you had as the raffle prize." "I got it from you." "Jim, all you got from me was a dead mule." "I know, that's what I raffled off." "My Goodness, Jim! You raffled off a dead mule?! I'll bet that really made a lot of people mad when they found out about it." "Naw, not really, the only one really ticked off was the winner, and I gave him his money back." Back to Greg's Temporary Home Page
|
Boryeong Mud Festival, South Korea