The Befouled Weakly News
6 July 2008 Good morning to you all on a damp, dreary, drab, drizzling day in beautiful downtown Byfield. It’s actually been a pretty fair week, all things considered and Thursday, as I drove back from the south of the county in the early evening, the skies were gloriously blue with not a cloud in the sky. Things have gone downhill from then, however, and the weather forecasters are suggesting that we will be wet all week.
The rain and drizzle started last night as we made our way across to our pal Vicky’s place in Stratford for a barbeque. We ended up with the barbeque parked at the doorway of a small conservatory-type affair she has at her place and, while we sat inside in the dry, the barbeque soldiered on purposefully as the rain drizzled down. On the drive home we were treated to a fabulous fireworks display which was being launched from the top of Edge Hill. As we drove towards it, I was initially of the impression that the red and blue I could see flashing up ahead was an approaching police car or ambulance. But, it soon became obvious that someone was holding an Independence Day party (either that or it was merely a display in celebration of someone’s birthday or anniversary). In any event, it provided a magnificent distraction as we drove home. And, I suppose finally, speaking of things in the skies, I ran across the following on a couple of sites:
Love to you all, Greg A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" The judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. You are just the kind of juror we are looking for -- a good judge of character." "But your honor!" the man protested. "How can you say that?!" "Because," the judge said, "that man is the defendant's lawyer." An older, very dignified gentleman went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and reservations were very tight at that moment, but that he would see what he could do. A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a three-day cruise. The gentleman was disappointed that it was such a short cruise, but booked it, and then went to the drugstore to buy Dramamines and three condoms. The next day, the agent called back and reported that he now could upgrade him to a five-day cruise. The gentleman said, "Great, I'll take it!" And he returned to the same pharmacy to buy two more Dramamines and two more condoms. The following day, the travel agent called yet again, and said he was delighted that he could offer them bookings on an eight-day cruise. The gentleman was elated and, went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms. The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, "Look, I'm not trying to pry, but if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?" "Uh Oh!" said Pauly reading a letter. Maury, standing near him, said, "Bad news?" "Disturbing news, anyway," said Pauly. "It's from someone who says if I don't stay away from his wife, he'll kill me." "In that case, if I were you, I would stay away from his wife," commented Maury, reasonably. "Gladly, but who? The letter is anonymous!" Back to Greg's Temporary Home Page
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The good news this week involves the restoration of our water supply, the news of which we received on Saturday. Fortunately, I guess, we are in one of the areas where the clean-up operation did not take the originally anticipated three weeks. Either that or the three week estimate was released so that when they achieved the clean up in a mere ten days the customer base would be delighted with their good work and forget that it was their poor work which landed us in this mess in the first place. Of course, we mustn’t really complain – having to boil your drinking and teeth-brushing water is no great hardship. But equally, remembering not to rinse your tooth brush under the tap proved to be very difficult so I guess we must be grateful that we managed to avoid the "profuse, foul smelling, watery diarrhoea,” not to mention the vomiting, fever and weight loss (although having said that, I must confess a modest weight loss on my part would probably be no bad thing.
The moon was mistaken for a "bright, stationary" UFO which had been loitering for at least half an hour, by a confused local in South Wales who made a 999 call to the police. [For our American readers, 999 is the British equivalent of 911].