The Befouled Weakly News

12 October 2008


Well, good morning to you all and my sincere and abject apologies for spoiling your weekend a day earlier than usual. I neglected to mention that we are off this weekend to our friends on the south coast today (Saturday) and won’t be back until late on Sunday. So, if you are going to get your usual dose of the Befouled Weakly News it had to be today or not at all. And, for those of you who wish it was “not at all” all I can say is that I sympathise.

I have to admit I was wrong – we have had another visit from the Indians and enjoyed some most pleasurable and pleasant weather this week. Although one can easily deduce that it is decidedly autumn, once the morning mist has cleared we’ve had some beautifully bright and clear sunny days with almost shirt-sleeve-like temperatures. There is something about autumn light, particularly in the late afternoon as the sun dips low in the sky. Apart from the goldenness, it always seems so clear and sharp. Let’s hope it stays fine for our expedition to the south coast.

Thanks to those of you who provided some feedback to my dilemma about hoisting the Dodgers’ banner and gloating at our friend and neighbour Pete’s disappointment at his Cubs’ failure in the postseason once again. Basically, the most commonly expressed view was to suggest that Pete just needed to tough it out and wait until next year (again). I have to confess, though – there does seem to be some injustice in a team playing 162 games from April through September, compiling the best record in the National League and then to be knocked out of the playoffs in three games. Somehow, it just doesn’t seem fair. I suppose I could comfort him with the fact that the Angels had the best record in all of baseball and they too had a short postseason but somehow I don’t think he will be particularly consoled.

I was delighted to see the results of the Ig Nobel prizes this week – the usual collection of calculated madness – and this year the Brits seems to have done particularly well.

The pride of the nation is secured.

Last night, two Britons joined a long and prestigious list of Ig Nobel prizewinners at the annual awards ceremony at Harvard University.

The Ig Nobel for literature was awarded for research into the different breeds of unpleasant character one might encounter in the workplace, while the Ig award for nutrition went to scientists at Oxford University who proved stale crisps taste better when eaten to an accompaniment of crunchy sounds.

The Igs have become an irreverent highlight of the academic calendar, an annual exercise to celebrate research that makes people laugh first and think later. They are timed to coincide with the rather more lucrative and legitimate Nobels, which are awarded in Stockholm next week.

The ceremony is hosted by the tongue-in-cheek journal, Annals of Improbable Research, and is attended by real Nobel prizewinners and a 1,000-strong audience. This year's recipients were given 60 seconds to deliver their acceptance speech, a time limit enforced by an eight-year-old girl.

David Sims of the Cass Business School in London, whose paper You Bastard: A Narrative Exploration of the Experience of Indignation within Organisations, won the literature prize, said: "I'm delighted. The whole ethos of the Ig Nobels is a wonderful way to make people think." The paper examines how people construct roles as clever bastards, devious bastards or bastard ex machina, and goes on to examine the mixture of joy and guilt of labelling someone as such.

Sims wrote the paper after puzzling how right-thinking people who often stressed the importance of appreciating others' arguments would give up and brand someone a bastard. "We are all novelists writing the next chapter of our life story and with bastards, we need to understand what kind of character they are trying to create," Sims said.

Charles Spence, professor of experimental psychology at Oxford University, was awarded the Ig for nutrition for his investigation into the gastronomical role of sound. In the study, volunteers ate crisps of varying freshness while wearing headphones.

As they ate, the sound of the crisp breaking was modified by a computer and played back to see if it changed their perception of the crisp's freshness. By making the crunch sounds louder, or by boosting the high frequencies, Spence made people rate the crisps 15% fresher.

The work led to a collaboration with Heston Blumenthal at the Fat Duck restaurant in Bray, Berkshire, who played diners the sound of crashing waves to improve the flavour of oysters, and sizzling bacon to enhance his egg and bacon ice cream. "I'm very happy to be receiving the award," said Spence, who is now testing why crisps come in such noisy packets.

The Ig Nobel prize for medicine was awarded to Dan Ariely at Duke University in North Carolina for a landmark study proving that costly placebos are more effective than cheap ones. Ariely's team told volunteers they were being given a new kind of painkiller, with some receiving an expensive one and others a much cheaper version.

Even though all of them received the same sugar pills, those who thought their pills were more expensive reported less pain when they were given small electric shocks.

"This is the proudest day of my life," said Ariely. "The Ig Nobels are humorous, but the work often examines things in real life, like why buttered toast is more likely to land face down."

Ariely said his work has serious implications for the medical industry, because many patients are told they can only have cheaper drugs, or have inexpensive-looking medication, which could undermine how effective the drugs are. While the active ingredients of the drug will help treat symptoms, often they work in tandem with the placebo effect, which triggers the body's own healing mechanisms.

Among other winners were the people of Switzerland who claimed the Ig peace prize for adopting the legal principle that plants have dignity; Geoffrey Miller at the University of New Mexico who won the economics prize for showing lap dancers received more in tips when they were ovulating; and scientists in San Diego who showed that hair, string and almost anything else will become tangled given the chance, earning them the Ig award for physics.

Not all of the winners understood why their work had made people laugh. Marie-Christine Cadiergues, who won the prize for biology by proving the fleas on dogs jump higher than those on cats, said: "Despite appearing funny and maybe crazy and useless to some people, this was part of a larger work on the biology of fleas ... A better knowledge of flea biology can provide a better control and therefore help vets, pet owners and overall our favourite pets."

Toshiyuki Nakagaki at Hokkaido University in Japan was similarly nonplussed about receiving the Ig award for cognitive neuroscience, after showing that slime mould could navigate a simple maze. "I was wondering which aspect of our research attracted the Ig Nobel prize. How does the prize evaluate our research? We are always serious and don't know why they laugh once before thinking," Nakagaki said.

The real Nobel prizes are awarded next week, beginning with medicine on Monday.

And the winners are ...

Physics
Won by Dorian Raymer at Scripps Institute of Oceanography, California, for discovering why ropes, hair and cables get more knotted the longer they are.

Chemistry
Jointly awarded to Sharee Umpierre at the University of Puerto Rico for discovering Coke is a spermicide, and to Chuang-Ye Hong at Taipei Medical University for showing that it is not.

Biology
Marie-Christine Cadiergues at the National Veterinary School in Toulouse for discovering that fleas jump higher on dogs than on cats.

Medicine
Dan Ariely at Duke University for demonstrating that expensive placebos are better painkillers than cheaper ones.

Economics
Geoffrey Miller at the University of New Mexico for discovering that lap dancers get larger tips when they are ovulating.

Archaeology
Astolfo Mello Araujo at the University of Sao Paulo in Brazil for measuring how the contents of an archaeological dig can be disrupted by the actions of an armadillo.

Cognitive neuroscience
Toshiyuki Nakagaki, at Hokkaido University in Japan, for discovering that amoeboid organisms can solve puzzles.

Literature
David Sims at Cass Business School, London, for discovering why there are bastards in the workplace.

Nutrition
Charles Spence at Oxford University for making crisps taste better by modifying the sound of their crunch.

Peace
The Swiss federal ethics committee on non-human biotechnology and the citizens of Switzerland for acknowledging the dignity of plant life.

What intrigues me about the Ig Nobel awards is that these people seem to be able to make some sort of a living conducting research on such unusual subjects. For example, what on earth possessed someone to conduct research on the relative jumping capabilities of dog-fleas and cat-fleas? And why oh why do longer ropes, cables, etc. get more and more tangled – something we’ve all experienced and probably subconsciously known but how to explain it? Well, if we read the research we now can explain it (provided, of course, that we can understand the research in the first place which in my case is certainly not assured).

Excuse me while I just untangle my iPod earphone cable (again).

Love to you all,

Greg


Nick very kindly provided the following two items – they are both sufficiently familiar that I think we’ve had them before but who knows. And, in any event, they’re still pretty funny:

Get thee behind me, Satan!
 
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach; and with green, yellow and red fruits and vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
 
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too - with chocolate chips'. And  so they gained 10 pounds.
 
And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
 
So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
 
God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'. And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
 
Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.  Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
 
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits. Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
 
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'. And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
 
God sighed ......... And created quadruple by-pass surgery.
 
And then ............ Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.
 
THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
 
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.:
 
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
6. The French eat foie-Gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us
 
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!


A cowboy is driving down a back road near Cotulla, Texas.

A sign in front of a restaurant reads:

     Happy Hour Special...
     Lobster Tail and Beer

"Lord almighty" he says to himself, "my three favorite things!"


I was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a hell of a fight and wouldn't let go.

I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything.

I finally decided that I should help.

She was a tough old bird, but the three of us finally got that handbag.


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