Apologies to those of you in the UK and/or the Far East for the late arrival of this week’s edition of the Befouled News. Of course, we are now in beautiful, downtown Huletts Landing (well, in the suburbs at any rate) and we’ve had the occasional distractions as you might imagine.
We flew on Wednesday to New York City and spent a few days there enjoying the sights and sounds. New York City is always grand fun but my goodness, it was hot, hot, hot – absolutely sweltering the first couple of days. The journey from JFK into the city to Ann and Ely’s apartment was one of those experiences you might not like to repeat too often. Dragging two overly-heavy suitcases via the Air Train to the Long Island Railroad in sauna conditions was fun. Then, we had the highly enjoyable task of making our way through the hordes of citizenry and tourists via the subway and shuttle from Penn Station across to Grand Central and then the final subway journey up to 86th Street. By the time we reached the apartment we were both wringing wet and exhausted but glad to be there.
Thursday afternoon we went out to Citi Field for a Mets game – highly enjoyable for me; slightly more tolerable than watching paint dry for Pen. Still, the Mets beat the Cardinals and everyone went home happy (apart, of course, from the considerable number of Cardinal fans). Lovely dinner afterwards at a terrific Mexican restaurant on 2nd Avenue which Jordy and Ching introduced us to the last time we were in the City – Taco Taco. (Speaking of Jordan and Ching, we had written that we were coming for a few days at the end of July; they very quickly [and sensibly] decided that they would rather be in France so we weren’t able to meet up with them this time round). Having enjoyed the sweltering conditions in the City, I’m not now so convinced that they were trying to avoid us – just the heat.
Friday, it actually started to cool off a bit; it went from absolutely, positively sweltering to merely oppressively hot and humid. We did some tourist stuff which we’ve never done before – we joined the heaving masses of humanity queuing to make their way to the top of the Empire State Building which, in spite of the heat and wait was stunning.
Saturday morning early we set off from the apartment to make our way to Newark Airport where we were due to meet our friends Sue and Stuart for the drive up to the Lake. Sue has a son who lives in New Jersey where they had spent a few days prior to meeting up with us. Amazingly, we both presented ourselves at the appropriate place at the appropriate time and in next to no time we were on the road joining the countless other holiday makers travelling north to the Catskills and/or Adirondacks on changeover day. A couple of stops enroute and a considerable delay while we shopped for the five thousand at Hannaford’s in Glens Falls and we pulled up to the Ritz about 4.00. Our other friends, Dave and Sue Walton with their lovely girls Ellen and Zoe arrived about 8.30 having flown into Boston earlier in the afternoon. Sandy had laid on a sauna and things were just about as nice as it could possibly be.
For those of you who will be joining us next week, I am pleased to report that the Lake is still every bit as beautiful as you will remember it, the Ritz is looking great, the weather will hopefully be warm/hot and sunny (it’s gorgeous at the moment and the water is heavenly) and the campsite Sandy has prepared for Stragapalooza is coming along nicely. The Port-a-Potties arrive on site during the coming week and we’ll help him get all the tents lined up for the arrival of the first campers on Saturday. Be sure to bring your ticket and, if you are so inclined, your Get Out of Work free card.
Love to you all,
Greg
This is old and tired and will be familiar to most of you, I suspect but, as we are currently enjoying the luxurious comfort of the Ritz (complete with soap), I thought it might be appropriate.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
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Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
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Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
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Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them -- the 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:
- On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
- On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet.
- 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
- On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
